Finally an update! I have been insanely absorbed in Callie-ness and Have had NO time for DeviantArt.

Plus it kind of gets boring in random intervals.

but life is lovely. I quit going to school, and I am being unschooled. Which is the perfect method of education for moi <3 It is amazing.

I am into this one guy.........

who has somehow managed to get inside my soul and .... I am stopping there...

I miss you all <3

I havent updated in AGES. Ive seen all these other updates though. I just sorta lost my love for deviantart. I will be back around more often though. Im getting more involved with the art world. I decided that I REALLY want to go to the pratt institute in new york city.

I belong there.

So I need to practice stuff more, and learn new things ^_^

I dunno what to do at this point. I want to cry, i want to scream, i want to punch someone in the face. Im so angry. But i dont really know why.

Okay, i lied. I DO know why. Im angry because of all these lies that surround me. Im angry because people have this LACK of understanding. Im sick of the apathy.

I miss paul. Ive tried to block it out. Ive tried to forget. But i miss him so bad. And im never going to heal, because i try to avoid thinking about him. But oh god i miss him. It hurts to miss someone like this. To see his pictures i still have saved on my computer, and to remember all of our conversations. To remember the words, the love that we had.

It hurts. it stings. But i cant cry. It doesnt go beyond thoughts. I want to cry. I wanna scream. WHY CANT I?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!

My body is against me. The closest i come to crying is my throat feeling tight and swollen.

Oh god i miss him. ><

But i think i made my point with that. Im not sure. I dont know. Im confused. I havent had my medication in awhile either. So im practically spazzing out.

I can finally yell at steven without actually caring. its a powerful feeling. To tell him off. HAH. never thought it would come to that. BUT MAN i really hate him.

Never thought i would be who i am now anyways. Never ever.

Psh. who would have guessed.

i have so much homework to do. Im sad. I dont wanna do it. Its gonna be hard. Im gonna fail spanish this term. >.< oh god. i fucking hate that class. why do i bother?!?!?!?!

blah

well...

yeah.

In a lifetime heartbreak is an inevitable event. It does not only apply to male/female relationships, but with great friendships and relatives. There are innumerable causes and effects of heartbreak; however, the most prevalent cause is not having realistic perceptions of love.
It has been said many times that beginning with the end in mind will prevent trouble from occurring. Why do humans not apply this concept to relationships? Roxanne firmly believed that her relationship with Christian would go on forever. She was easily blinded, and put forth trust into the deceptive illusion of “forever”. The moment Christian fell to his untimely death, Roxanne’s heart was crushed. She never once understood the reality of her short lived love.
In psychology Christian’s infatuation would be called mistaken sensory perception. He originally fell for Roxanne’s semblance, not her soul. Roxanne was equally guilty of the crime. The first thing people notice about the opposite sex, is their appearance. Unfortunately this end with the two people being obsessed with physical facades. One would not normally pick out a book with an unappealing cover. This same idea goes with the unrealistic perceptions that love can portray.
Using the two examples of unrealistic perceptions, the belief in forever, and mistaken sensory perception, it is easy to infer that love under these circumstances would end in heartbreak. As humans the immediate reaction is to cry, or be angry with oneself. These emotions generally last a few weeks, or even months. In extreme cases, the heartbroken one continues to mourn and eventually gives up on love. All of the above are key effects. However, becoming isolated is the most relevant to the play, and real life circumstances as well.
Roxanne is the perfect example of a person suffering from a secluded lifestyle. She continues to mourn in a convent, even after fourteen years of Christian’s death. Roxanne gave up a chance for a potentially marvelous lifestyle to mourn her loss. She is disconnected from the world, and has no admirers, per se. The only way she is connected to anyone is through Cyrano when he comes to visit her. This desire to be alone spawns from loss of hope to find anyone else.
In conclusion, there are many causes for heartbreak, and many effects of it as well. The unrealistic perceptions of love, then the isolation after the initial heartbreak, are the most relevant causes and effects.

So the county leader of the schools, is reforming our high schools. We will all be put in academys, based on our interests and so forth. therefor, none of the "regular " students will be intermixed with the "honors" students, and the IB program will get its own personal school.

which means, i wont have any friends. ever.

because, all the " smart " kids, and i do not really get along. mostly because..im different. and the smart kids..fall into the " rich " and preppy category of the high school social world.

its kinda ..unfair. i think.

while i love the idea of not having to deal with stupid people, i rely on them for my daily entertainment.

i need them to function. T_T otherwise its a bunch of smart kids vyying for the attention of being the best.