I dunno what to do at this point. I want to cry, i want to scream, i want to punch someone in the face. Im so angry. But i dont really know why.

Okay, i lied. I DO know why. Im angry because of all these lies that surround me. Im angry because people have this LACK of understanding. Im sick of the apathy.

I miss paul. Ive tried to block it out. Ive tried to forget. But i miss him so bad. And im never going to heal, because i try to avoid thinking about him. But oh god i miss him. It hurts to miss someone like this. To see his pictures i still have saved on my computer, and to remember all of our conversations. To remember the words, the love that we had.

It hurts. it stings. But i cant cry. It doesnt go beyond thoughts. I want to cry. I wanna scream. WHY CANT I?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!

My body is against me. The closest i come to crying is my throat feeling tight and swollen.

Oh god i miss him. ><

But i think i made my point with that. Im not sure. I dont know. Im confused. I havent had my medication in awhile either. So im practically spazzing out.

I can finally yell at steven without actually caring. its a powerful feeling. To tell him off. HAH. never thought it would come to that. BUT MAN i really hate him.

Never thought i would be who i am now anyways. Never ever.

Psh. who would have guessed.

i have so much homework to do. Im sad. I dont wanna do it. Its gonna be hard. Im gonna fail spanish this term. >.< oh god. i fucking hate that class. why do i bother?!?!?!?!

blah

well...

yeah.